"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
