Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
