I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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