I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
