You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
