i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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