Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
