I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
