If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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