come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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