K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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