I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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