We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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