a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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