I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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