I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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