Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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