I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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