you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
