hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
