And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
