Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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