4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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