Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just tell him i said nine months
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
