My nipple is on Facebook.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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