I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
