Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
