i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
