Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need a beard to bite.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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