Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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