then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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