nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
