There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
