ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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