yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
