addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
