And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
