Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
