Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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