if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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