MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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