my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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