He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
