I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
