And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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