Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Damn victory sex feels great
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
