dude i'm inner monologue high
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
