You really coming over, don't trick.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
