the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
