I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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